he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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