UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
