So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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