i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What a dumb baby whore.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
