I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
