when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize