I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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