I cannot find my penis.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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