My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
