What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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