they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
