my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
