i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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