Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just had sex on a roof
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He has the fingertips of a God
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