We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
