Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
