In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
