im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize