she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
