she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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