I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
