I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
