You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
