Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
