I will die if light touches me.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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