If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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