Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My vagina is officially offended.
I need a beard to bite.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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