the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
