Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
