also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
