your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
