i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
