I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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