JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
