i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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