eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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