The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
