I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
