Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
