he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
