Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
