While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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