And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize