Pappa wants mamma naked
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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