Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
only you would photoshop your dick
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
