i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
