I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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