i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
