Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
