Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
