girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
