so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
