Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
