just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
