sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
