long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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