What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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