11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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