my sisters under your porch take her home
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
