Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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