I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
