did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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