what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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