I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
