This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When did angry sex become our thing?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
