on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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