It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
