ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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