you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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