We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
