i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
