I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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