I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's never too late to be topless.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
