I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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