I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
