please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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