Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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