hotel room ftw
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i wish my penis had a tongue
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
